I’m not too sure where I’m at in life right now. It wasn’t too long ago that I thought i was doing well, getting into a management associate programme and supposedly going on a path which was a “fast-track” to success. But I guess life is never that predictable and “smooth-flowing”.

How I’m feeling now?

  • Lost in my career and not having much of an ambition, simply because I can’t visualize where I would be in 10 years time if i remain on this path without making any changes
  • A bit hesitant going to work on a daily basis, and just not looking forward to it all the time
  • Having colleagues who are pretty nice and fun, but who just can’t seem to click with me, or vice versa. I used to think it was an age issue as I’m the youngest in the team but i goes i “grew out” of these excuses as well
  • Fretting some of the missed opportunities to move in the past and wondering if the head-hunters would remember me in 2015 given that a certain prominent pastor said its going to be a bad year for finance
  • And yes, a silly thought and wondering if i would be able to buy a super-car in 5 years

I guess the good thing about myself is that I’m objective and I talk to myself quite a bit, in a “split personality” manner. So despite the little depression that I’m in, i’m adamant that i’m going to get myself out of this mess, slowly but surely.

I’m thinking my way out is:

  1. Finding motivation of some sort
  2. Finding meaning in things that I do, or even just finding ways and means to have a different perspective to my job
  3. MOVE
  4. Pray

Its quite a struggle now, balancing the ambitious portion of me versus the portion who has grown to be quite mature in finding contentment in life.

And hence, this blog, which I shall update on all trade finance and commodities related news and learnings. Such that perhaps one day, I will look back and reminisce how i started all this which led to me being all of “that”.

And i know this is uber random, but 1 John 4:4 – “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world”. In case you ever get attacked spiritually, just remember that God loves in us. And He who is in us, is far greater than any out there.